Into The World Of A Teenage Mind

Now that I am coming up on the end of my first year of college I have begun to reflect how I got where I am today. I'll admit, it hasn't been easy. There have been a handful of times where I wanted to throw in the towel and give it all up. There have been a few times the past year where I wanted to pack everything up and go back home. I wanted to go back to a time where everything was simpler, easier. I wanted to be in a place that I felt safe, a place where I knew who I was and what I was doing. But, I realized that, that's just the easy way out. I didn't want to subject myself to taking the easy way out. You want to know what I've come to realize this year? I have come to realize that life is hard. I mean I, to a certain extent, had known that for years. But it became more real and profound over the past year. As always, I have been through hell and back, but it was so much more powerful than it has been in the past few years. I went through a tragedy, I lost e...

Falling in love is the most terrifying thing in the world for a girl like me. For a girl who's experienced a lifetime of pain, it's not easy to let someone in. It's definitely not easy to break down your walls after having to rebuild them so many times. For a girl who worries about the smallest, tiniest detail, it's hard to find it in yourself to allow someone to come into your world just so they can stay for a while and then run at the first sight of danger. I have been in love before. I have found it in myself to let my walls down and allow someone to become my everything, and it lasted for a while. It lasted for a few years. Everything was good, perfect in the most imperfect way. We were good together, we became each other's everything. But, as a wise man once told me, all good things must come to an end. It's not that we fell out of love, that's farther from the truth. I guess life just wasn't willing to give us forever like we desperately wanted...

So, my roommate and I helped our RAs (Resident Assistants) with Wildcat day the other day. We simply sat in our room with the door open while they were doing tours and allowed people to come in and see what an actual college room looks like. We also answered questions if there were any, basically just talking about our college experience. It was fun, I could tell that some of them were nervous about coming to college. It's so hard to believe that just 1 year ago I was them. I was so nervous yet excited to start college. I was literally counting down the days that I could leave home and go off into the world on my own. I had no idea how hard it would be, I had no idea that everything would fall apart before it barely had time to begin. I'll admit the first few weeks of fall quarter were fun. I did my leadership program and I met some amazing people. I enjoyed my classes. I became incredibly close with my roommate and she's one of my best friends. I met a boy and fell in lo...

Remember that very first day of kindergarten? You're 6 years old, bubbling with excitement yet nervous because you don't want to leave home, yet the excitement takes over. You can't wait to make some friends, meet your teacher, take naps, so much discovery it excites you. Your parents walk you to the door of your classroom, you look inside and see kids laughing and playing, you smile and turn to your parents, your mom tries to smile but fails as tears fill her eyes. She's nervous to let you go, she kneels down and pulls you into her arms and squeezes the life out of you, her baby is growing up, to her it seems just like yesterday she was changing your dippers, you try to pull away, but she doesn't let go, your father keels down beside her and says it's time to let you go, eventually she does and you kiss your parents on the cheek and rush into the room. That is the first chapter of your life, School career. You meet a group of people and instantly become bes...